There is a poem that for so long has fortified me through difficult but necessary transitions.  It speaks to the loss – and the emergence of what is possible.  It provides a touchpoint for making those necessary decisions.  I’d like to share it here with you and for anyone who is looking to change their circumstances.  May it provide you and them the courage, and the wisdom, to make those decisions with grace.

FOR THE TIME OF NECESSARY DECISIONS

The mind of time is hard to read.

We can never predict what it will bring,

Not even from all that is already gone

Can we say what form it finally takes;

For time gathers its moments secretly.

Often we only know it’s time to change

When a force has built inside the heart

That leaves us uneasy as we are.

Perhaps the work we do has lost its soul

Or the love where we once belonged

Calls nothing alive in us anymore.

We drift through this gray, increasing nowhere

Until we stand before a threshold we know

We have to cross to come alive once more.

May we have the courage to take the step

Into the unknown that beckons us;

Trust that a richer life awaits us there,

That we will lose nothing

But what has already died;

Feel the deeper knowing in us sure

Of all that is about to be born beyond

The pale frames where we stayed confined,

Not realizing how such vacant endurance

Was bleaching our soul’s desire.

From:  To Bless the Space Between Us  John O’Donohue

Martin Luther King Jr.

I’d like to give you a gift that will help you create a plan to achieve your Solution, not a resolution.  Please feel free to download this complimentary E-book called  Solutions Not Resolutions: Thirty Days and Twelve Steps to Achieving Success.  Let me know how it works for you by commenting on this post.  If you need some additional assistance, send your comments and questions for me to respond to.

Happy New Year!  Make 2012 a great year!

Solutions Not Resolutions 2012

Blessings

The Buddhists believe that desire is at the root of suffering.  In our American culture we are taught that more is better, bigger is better, and that we “need” all the stuff of our lives. And if you don’t know you need it, someone will tell you how you can’t live without it.

I fall victim to this thinking sometimes too – especially when it comes to shoes!  Yet life has shown me something very different.  There is enough but maybe not in the places where we are told to look.  Enough is not in the malls or shops or the Internet.  Enough is inside of us in our full hearts and in giving.

It is often through the loss of the stuff we thought we couldn’t live without that we find “enough”.  Enough is connected in a way to our search for meaning.  We look for meaning out there somewhere as if meaning and purpose were lost to us.  Indeed, we create meaning from the inside out.  If we choose what is meaningful to us with consciousness, then we will also recognize that there is always enough.  Enough is what I say it is.  And sometimes that means letting go of “stuff” in our lives to make room for enough to be enough.  We travel lighter and in better company when we live from a place where we have enough.

The meaning of this season is not more.  Create your own meaning based on being whole and enough, from your heart to my heart to the heart of others, let us all create abundance.

Paying It Forward

So much is written about leadership and business yet I still find that there is one concept that is missing in most of the literature.  That is the concept of generosity.

In my twenties, I was fortunate enough to have a mentor that challenged me to do things I was afraid to do, thinking that I would fail, or that I wasn’t ready to take on projects that seemed to me to require far more expertise and talent than I thought I possessed.  Yet, each time he presented me with a challenge, I worked hard, met that challenge and developed the self-confidence and resiliency that I later would need in my career.  After working for him for a number of years I was ready to move on and he encouraged me to move to the next phase in my career.  I remember saying to him, “I will never be able to thank you enough or pay you back for what you have done for me.”  His response was “Pay it forward.”  Up until then I had never heard that phrase.  Eventually I came to understand exactly what he meant, but that took some years.

In 2000, there was a movie called Pay It Forward starring Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment.  The movie was based on a book by the same name and is the story of a young boy who is challenged by his social studies teacher to think of something that could change the world then put it into action.  The boy conceives the notion of paying a favor not back, but forward.  There were three rules for paying it forward.

1. It has to be something that helps people.

2.  It is something that they cannot do for themselves and

3. You do it for one person and that person does it for three other people. 

The philosophy here stems from a desire to help others in recognition for the help one has received.   Goodwill spreads exponentially through society, creating a social movement with the goal of making the world better.

We live in a very competitive world.  Generosity, the act of giving without expecting some kind of repayment is not one found often in business.  What ROI would there be in that?  It is easy to be generous when a company or individual is doing well.  True generosity comes from giving focused on the other person or Rule Number Two – to so something for someone that they cannot do for themselves – just because you can.  It also comes from the belief that there is “enough”, a sense of abundance and creative possibilities that allows one to feel that being generous is as meaningful to the giver as the receiver.

If you believed in the concept of “paying it forward” what affect would that have on your business, on our culture and communities?  Who could you mentor or teach?  What contributions would you be making just because it made a difference for someone?  You may find a completely different ROI awaiting you.  It can be as simple as showing a child a possibility when they feel something is out of their reach.  It could be working pro-bono for a cause you believe in.  It could be providing your employees with a work environment that creates learning and growth opportunities.  You may lose them as they grow as professionals and people but wouldn’t it be something to instill in the next generation of leaders the concept of paying it forward?  Couldn’t that make your company the place this new generation wants to work?

The Baby Boomer generation is struggling with their mortality.  As this generation enters into their Elderhood, many are seeking meaning and a renewed sense of purpose.  This generation is not going to retire. This is the time to pay it forward.  There is wisdom in this generation born out of the changes they have experienced in areas of technology and global, cultural and social shifts.  Let’s make sure to “pay it forward” to the next generation.

Check out this You Tube Video – precious!

I am making a surprising discovery, one that is difficult for me.  I discovered that to live consciously I must be selfish. There, I said it out loud (well, I wrote it publicly so it’s like the same thing).  Yes, I must become selfish.  Selfish means “self-care” not self care at the expense of someone else, although it can be more complicated than that, can’t it?   I needed to make a difficult choice to care for myself and in making that choice I caused hurt, distress and sadness.  That is difficult for me yet my habitual pattern might indicate that I use the fear of hurting someone else as a justification for not caring for myself.  I am learning to choose self care because if I can’t care for myself, honor myself first then all I will build is resentment.  That is what happens.  There is no justification for that.  Sometimes my choice to care for myself will distress someone else.  That’s possible. But if I’m aligned with what I value, and I am honest about my choices, and compassionate with those who are affected by my choices, then really, that is the best I can do. I cannot choose for someone else. I cannot choose their lifestyle or whether they respond positively or negatively. I can only choose for myself.

When I care for myself, I can live consciously.  I make deliberate decisions. I am present to others. I am awake to the wonders and the sorrows of the world.  I get to be fully alive if I live consciously. And all of this is a practice.  Practice, practice, practice.

Conscious Eating – what I feed myself affects my energy and my mood

Conscious Self care – mind body spirit intentional practices that nurture me and align with what matters to me

Conscious Intention – intending what I want to occur, who I want to be with, what I want in my life

Conscious Work – working with a high level of awareness around what is and how to manage challenges and opportunities from a consciousness level – how I choose to be at service for my community and the world

Conscious Being – rising above the symptoms of the human condition, rising above joy as well as tragedy, and knowing that everything passes, nothing stays the same – being with what is without judgment or getting hooked by it

Forever striving….

12 Ways to be someone you’re not

1. Listen and do what others tell you to do
2. Trust others rather than trusting yourself
3. Take your values from the outside rather than accepting and embracing what really matters to you regardless of others opinions
4. Play it safe always and never risk
5. Don’t listen to the music in your heart
6. Don’t dance to the rhythm of your soul
7. Live only in your mind and avoid visiting your body or spirit
8. Do not explore new experiences
9. Believe that there is only one reality
10. Strive to fit in
11. Accept compromise as a way of life
12. Believe only what you can touch, see and hear

It was a long day but an energizing day.  My fellow paddlers were all competent and a bit anxious themselves.  Robert, who is my water-guru, was as calm and watchful as ever, embodying a safe place to try out new things and to fully engage the effort and learning. And the weather and water was perfect too.  Robert with his knowledge of navigation  had timed it so that the conditions would be challenging but not overwhelming.

So I learned a couple of things.

I learned I could.

I could kayak in the ocean and I could go into the ocean upside down in the kayak and get myself to the surface with ease.

I am a better paddler than I give myself credit for.  When I’m not in my head thinking about whether I’m “doing it right” I’m more likely to be “doing it well”.

I am stronger than I think and in the moments when I was really tired, I could pull from somewhere inside I didn’t know was there to persevere.  I did it by tapping the joy of being in Nature and a tenacity that has helped me in many other ways.

I enjoyed the tidal race where the water was bubbling and riding the waves felt joyous and free without the fear I had anticipated.

I learned that I have to honor my body and take care of it when I need to stop, rest, eat or drink water.  Because on the water there is no lying down to feel better.  In taking care of myself, I also take care of the group by not becoming a problem.

I realize I have to eat every two hours to sustain my energy and it doesn’t matter to me what judgment may be made of that.  It is what I need to do. Period.

Bliss happens.  Paddling out there with rhythmic strokes became a meditation and I found myself in a semi-trance state a couple of times still fully engaged in the surroundings and present in an extraordinary way. Bliss.

Our day was rewarded by several pods of dolphins that decided to check us out.  To see them in the wild so up close was nothing short of breathtaking.  Their movements through the water were graceful and playful.  Even a large sea turtle graced our group with its presence.

I will continue to go to the places that scare me.  Hidden inside the scary stories I invent is fodder for growth and personal evolution – dare I say enlightenment?  Bringing fear out of darkness into the light and being present with whatever is there is certainly worth any risk.  All I have to lose is the tether of fear.  I’m ok with that.

It may be a doorway you have been avoiding.

But there it is, inviting you to step through.

It’s been there a while, patiently awaiting your arrival.

Whispering of possibilities just beyond.

And in the midst of your pain or sorrow, you may finally surrender and open the door.

And walk into an aspect of your life that has been there all along waiting for you to arrive and embrace it as yours.